The voice of the confused and politically unsavvy

I just saw a fairly long clipping of a Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto interview on TV. It was my first time ever seeing him in an interview scenario, my only previous visual exposure to him being his oft played fiery speech in the UN on the Kashmir issue and the melodramatic 'laro gae/larayn gae---maro gae/marayn gae' address to a huge political rally. The man had the charisma of a movie star, no wonder he held a whole nation in thrall, how depressing that it was all for naught and to the very same end as to all the others who also look just as evil as they are inside (think Zia-ul-Haq and Asif Zardari).

Musharraf may not exactly be as charismatic as Bhutto but in his initial days he too captured a lot of people's imagination and as the foregone conclusion to today's elections was announced i was hit with a strong sense of dejavu. Shades of not Bhutto but Zia-ul-Haq's sham referendum and Musharraf's own a few years back. What kind of 'election' is this that took place today? Another 5 years for Musharraf? What exactly do I feel about it.

I think of what he said about Pakistani women claiming foul rape because they want Canadian nationalities, putting Mukhtaraan Mai on the Exit Control List, the recent beating up of lawyers and journalists, the botching up of the Laal Masjid scenario and the total and free reign that America has been allowed in the internal affairs of Pakistan under his rule. There is also the CJ removal and the state sanctioned 12th May violence in Karachi, the attacks on Geo and Aaj TV and his ever increasing strong arm tactics in trying to cling to power. There is of course also the small matter of his being the army chief and in no way a politically elected representative of the people yet set to rule Pakistan for even longer than the seemingly interminable 11 years of Zia-ul-Haq.

Many people around me are talking increasingly about voting for Imran Khan (although I am still not sure what kind of vote bank he has across the country) but the idea of a born again Muslim with a deadly mixture of Pathan chauvinism scares me even more than one who at least proclaims 'enlightened moderation'.

To me the only way for Pakistan to move forward is to take strides in a secular direction but Musharraf's vision in this regard has not become clear in any way in nearly a decade of rule. He has chosen political allies on the basis of sticking to power not on any ideological grounds, for how else can a bosom relationship with the likes of the Chaudries and Sheikh Rasheed possibly be explained or the present wheeling dealing with one of the two leaders he avowed to be his sworn enemies.

For my kind of ideology the PPP seems to be the only choice, the one party in the country with a 'left wing' leaning, yet the sheer corruption and hysteria of its leader with cases of financial embezzlement that can be stacked up to the moon and a demeanour reminiscent of a schizophrenic I cannot even fathom voting that way.

So what does an atypical 30 year old Pakistani woman with an active interest in bringing about change and hoping for a better Pakistan do? There don't seem to be any options. Street or media protest for what? Looking towards whom? I find myself slowly sliding into the abyss of apolitical apathetic-ness that I have railed against amongst peers for so long.

So lemme go to the Mall and inject myself into a lull with the pleasures Capitalism has to offer in a country ruled by monarchy and the unabashed worship of money. So much for socialism, secularism and activism.